After my last post, you may be questioning how exactly do you prevent pregnancy then? After all, no one wants to become like the Duggars and end up with 20 kids right?
There is an all natural way to prevent pregnancy! and it is effective!
When I began on birth control, no one told me there was a natural way to go about this. I have tried 3 different types of hormonal birth control, because each one gave me negative side affects. The depo shot made me an emotional crazy person and gain weight like someone was blowing up a baloon, the typical pill made me depressed, and I eventually settled for the nuvaring, even though there STILL was negative side effects.
Throughout all this switching, not one doctor had informed me of the natural way to do things. Even though this article shows that NFP (natural familly planning) is as effective as the pill, .4-.6% had unplanned pregnancies using NFP (note the . before the numbers). If I had known there was a way to do this without subjecting myself to emotional mood swings and weight gain, of course I would go that route! Not to mention all the the side health effects we learned about it part I of this series!
How does NFP work?
It is fairly simple actually, once you get the hang of it. It requires you to spend 5 minutes a day charting your fertile symptoms. The biggest downside to using NFP for birth control is having to abstain or use barriers when fertile, and the first few months while you figure everything out. Generally, your "fertile window" will be 7-10 days.
The first thing you check is your basal waking temperature. This needs to be done within the same hour every day. I set my alarm for a specific time, and then go back to sleep after my thermometer beeps! You will need to have a basal thermometer, and have more than 3 hours of sleep before measuring. This will help you confirm when ovulation has occurred, and after the 3rd day of high temperature you are in your "infertile" stage. If you have 18 high temperatures, you are pregnant!
The next thing is cervical fluid. I know, super gross, right? It is actually very interesting to see how it changes throughout the month. When cervical fluid is present, especially if it is an eggwhite consistency, stretchy, or creamy, you are most like fertile at this time. If you are using NFP for birth control, abstain or use barrier methods, if you are trying to conceive, get it on friends! :) Once you get used to charting and your fertile/infertile symptoms, you are infertile on any days you do not have any cervical fluid before 6 pm. It is important to understand your fertile/infertile symptoms before you use this rule!
Another optional way to double check fertile/infertile stages (which I personally use when trying to avoid (TTA) but not if I was trying to conceive (TTC)) is checking cervical position. Yes, this does involve sticking your finger up your hoo-haa, but ladies, it is time to feel comfortable and get to know your bodies! If your cervix is high, soft, and open, you are close to ovulation, if it is low, hard (like the tip of your nose), and closed, you are in an infertile stage. (Please note you must wash your hands prior to checking!)
You record all this information on your chart, and then you interpret it to determine whether you are infertile or fertile today!
There is way more information on each of these steps in Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I very highly recommend reading it!
NFP really helps you to be in tune with your body. You will know when your period will be coming, you will know your baby making parts are working, and you will know if they are not, and be better informed of how to tackle the issue.
I think women who used NFP in the older times, before the sexual revolution, ditched it for sexual freedom. They wanted to be able to have sex whenever they wanted, without consulting a chart to see whether it is a good idea or not. It gave them the freedom to have sex without unplanned pregnancies, to be on a equal playing field with a man.
The idea of choosing when you become pregnant is priceless, and I am so glad that God has given us so many signs in our created bodies to be able to tell when we are fertile. A huge benefit as well is getting pregnant happens much quicker when charting, since you know when it is the best time to strike. I recently had a friend get pregnant her first month of TTC with NFP. I do not know about you, but when I am TTC, I do not want to wait around a few months!
Switching from Hormonal Birth Control to NFP
When switching from hormonal birth control to NFP, whether TTC or TTA, can be very annoying. There are many withdrawal symptoms the body goes through, such as heavy bleeding, cramping, breast tenderness, mood swings, no ovulations, longer/shorter cycles, etc. It will take an average woman 3-18 months to get all the hormones out of your system, and doctors recommend you at least wait 6 months after going off hormonal birth control to get pregnant.
This causes many problems. When TTA: If you do not ovulate, it is much harder to know when your infertile/fertile days are! The signs are way off, cervical mucus is changing everyday as the body figures itself out, and there is no natural rhythm occurring.
When TTC: again, if you do not ovulate, it is impossible to get pregnant! I could not imagine the excitement of getting off birth control to get pregnant, and then not ovulate for 3-18 months because of the birth control! I highly recommend beginning NFP way before planning to TTC, the better you know your fertile/infertile symptoms, the faster you will have a baby growing!
It is VERY important to read more information on NFP before using it. The book I mentioned above is AMAZING.
If you have any questions feel free to comment here or post on our facebook! Looking forward to hearing your feedback!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Birth Control- Part I
In my explorations, I was reading about all the dangers about putting drugs into our bodies. I stopped going to the doctor as often, in exchange for chiropractic adjustments and healthy food. I stopped eating processed food, and replaced it with organic produce and turkey burgers. I've even rejected the idea of a hospital birth for a drug free home birth.
All this time, I was still putting synthetic, harmful hormones in my body through birth control.
This is something so "normal," I did not even think about the dangers involved with it. I knew there was side effects, but never really realized what it was doing to my body.
I came across this article and it got me really thinking about birth control. She explained the affect of birth control like this:
"Here is something that you probably were not informed of: the pill ages the cervix about two years for every one year of use. This is one reason why pill use can lead to infertility later on (and why the contraceptive industry fuels the multi-billion dollar infertility industry). The cervix produces different types of cervical fluid, and each type has a different function. When a woman is in the infertile part of her cycle, her body produces a type of cervical fluid that blocks sperm from entering her cervix and uterus. During the 100 hours of her cycle when a woman is capable of becoming pregnant, her cervix produces types of fluid that protect, nourish, and guide sperm to her possibly waiting egg, as well as filtering out defective sperm. One function of the pill is that it changes her cervix so that it increases the amount of crypts that make the fluid that blocks sperm and decreases the amount of crypts that aid conception. This process happens naturally with age, but it happens twice as fast for pill-users."
That scared the crap out of me! I have been on birth control for 3 years, so this means my cervix has aged by 6 years! My nuvaring went out the window when I read this.
And as I mentioned in my last blog, women lose 90% of their eggs by the time they are 30. I am not sure if this is before or after the prematurely aging cervix because of birth control or not, considering most women have been on birth control. I'm hoping for the sake of those of us who have taken birth control, the cervical aging from birth control is included in this research.
That same article talking about fertility, says birth control does not affect fertility. We hear this everywhere, but this article even has charts showing the differences in cervix between pill users and non-pill users.
Also, the World Health Organization just added birth control to the level 1 carcinogen list, along with tobacco and asbestos. Here's the scoop:
"The WHO said it raises risk for cancers of the breast, liver and cervix. Although it decreases the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, cancer groups expect 27,000 more American women will die in 2012 from cancers of the breast, liver and cervix than will die from cancers of the ovaries and endometrium. It would not make sense for doctors to advise women to take a carcinogen to prevent cancer, although some still do.
All this time, I was still putting synthetic, harmful hormones in my body through birth control.
This is something so "normal," I did not even think about the dangers involved with it. I knew there was side effects, but never really realized what it was doing to my body.
I came across this article and it got me really thinking about birth control. She explained the affect of birth control like this:
"Here is something that you probably were not informed of: the pill ages the cervix about two years for every one year of use. This is one reason why pill use can lead to infertility later on (and why the contraceptive industry fuels the multi-billion dollar infertility industry). The cervix produces different types of cervical fluid, and each type has a different function. When a woman is in the infertile part of her cycle, her body produces a type of cervical fluid that blocks sperm from entering her cervix and uterus. During the 100 hours of her cycle when a woman is capable of becoming pregnant, her cervix produces types of fluid that protect, nourish, and guide sperm to her possibly waiting egg, as well as filtering out defective sperm. One function of the pill is that it changes her cervix so that it increases the amount of crypts that make the fluid that blocks sperm and decreases the amount of crypts that aid conception. This process happens naturally with age, but it happens twice as fast for pill-users."
That scared the crap out of me! I have been on birth control for 3 years, so this means my cervix has aged by 6 years! My nuvaring went out the window when I read this.
And as I mentioned in my last blog, women lose 90% of their eggs by the time they are 30. I am not sure if this is before or after the prematurely aging cervix because of birth control or not, considering most women have been on birth control. I'm hoping for the sake of those of us who have taken birth control, the cervical aging from birth control is included in this research.
That same article talking about fertility, says birth control does not affect fertility. We hear this everywhere, but this article even has charts showing the differences in cervix between pill users and non-pill users.
Also, the World Health Organization just added birth control to the level 1 carcinogen list, along with tobacco and asbestos. Here's the scoop:
"The WHO said it raises risk for cancers of the breast, liver and cervix. Although it decreases the risk of ovarian and endometrial cancers, cancer groups expect 27,000 more American women will die in 2012 from cancers of the breast, liver and cervix than will die from cancers of the ovaries and endometrium. It would not make sense for doctors to advise women to take a carcinogen to prevent cancer, although some still do.
Second, two recent studies have strongly linked use of oral contraceptives with a deadly, treatment-resistant form of breast cancer called “triple-negative breast cancer.” The latter study found that women who started using oral contraceptives before age 18 multiplied their risk of TNBC by 6.4 times. TNBC occurs most often among African-Americans and women under age 50.
Third, a 2006 meta-analysis in the journal Mayo Clinic Proceedings reported a 44 percent increased risk of premenopausal breast cancer among women who started using oral contraceptives before first full-term pregnancy."
TERRIFYING.
Go reread that last sentence. 44% higher risk of premenopausel breast cancer before first pregnancy? What the heck?
Go reread that last sentence. 44% higher risk of premenopausel breast cancer before first pregnancy? What the heck?
Why in the world would doctors not tell us about this?? I have a grandmother who had breast cancer 3 times, and it is possible I carry the gene. I plan on breastfeeding to help reduce my risk, but now that my risk is now higher I'll be lucky to even out.
Did you see that study was done in 2006? I was a sophomore in high school then. If this information was released then, why is it that when I got married in 2010, no one even hesitated about me getting on birth control?
I'm obviously angry about this, and you should be too. People should know the facts before they put this stuff in their bodies.
I do not like to talk politics, but contraception is a huge difference between the two candidates, Romney has spoken out about birth control, but why didn't he bring up these facts? Obama is adamant on having free birth control available, should we say "free cancer all around!" if he wins? Why is he promoting this when we have so much research against it?
I am honestly angry at how much our society allows us to put harmful things into our bodies.
It's time to make that stop.
It's time to make that stop.
Birth control began because women wanted to be able to have sex with whoever and whenever they want in the "sexual revolution." Women loved that they had control over their bodies, but I just wonder how many of them would throw that out the window once they have the facts. Is a higher risk of cancer really worth the thrill of promiscuity?
This blog is getting wayy too long. In my next post I will talk about how women can gain even greater control over there bodies while preventing or increasing their chances of pregnancy.
Please let me know your thoughts on this. Does this research also anger you? Why do you think we do not know these facts? Join the conversation on our facebook.
Here is some more great articles about the affects of birth control, if you want some more crazy scary facts we do not know about birth control. This article also touches on the many different forms (sterilzation, vasectomies, IUDs,etc) and their affect on the body.
Here is some more great articles about the affects of birth control, if you want some more crazy scary facts we do not know about birth control. This article also touches on the many different forms (sterilzation, vasectomies, IUDs,etc) and their affect on the body.
Stay tuned for Part II.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Older Mom vs Younger Mom
I recently had someone ask me my opinion on being a young mom vs an older mom. I personally think there are pros/cons in both situation.
I personally have grew up with an older mom (she gave birth to me a few months before her 40th birthday). I really have enjoyed all the wisdom she has passed down to me that she has learned throughout the years. Also, the benefit of retirement coming soon is great, as she will have more time to come visit!
The biggest con I experience is, since she is getting older, she may not be around for me as long as she has been around for my older siblings. She also will not have as much energy to care for my children (when they arrive). I worry about my children not knowing her as well as my sibling's children, who cherish her.
I love my mom, I wouldn't trade her for the world.
But I do wonder what it would be like to have a younger mom, who has more energy and more involved with outside activities. Although a younger mom might still be trying to get her career started, savings built, and building the foundation for her relationship with her spouse.
Fertility is also something to think about when making the decision of when to have children. According to this article women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30, and are left with only 3% at age 40. That is definitely something to consider. It will be a lot harder to become a first time mom in your thirties, than in your twenties. (although there are a ton of fertility options for those choosing to be an older mom!) Pregnancy is also more likely to be low risk in your twenties.
In my opinion, it is a personal decision. Each individual situation needs to be looked at. Whether the family is settled down, financially at a point where they could afford another mouth to feed, insurance, and how stable the relationship is between the potential mother and father to be.
This article describes the benefits the author has experienced in being a young mom; including not getting to caught up in your career, so it is easier to commit to being a stay at home mom for a few years, having more energy to chase around a rambunctious toddler, and also being younger once they leave the house, so the parents have time to experience the world again before entering into their later years.
On the contrary, this article discusses the benefits of being an older mom, including maturity, more relaxed, more stability, and being able to offer your children the wisdom you have acquired throughout the years.
The father needs to have say in timing as well. A father who feels he is not quite ready to be a parent, but the mother has pressured him into it, is going to have more trouble adjusting to fatherhood. We talk so much about when the potential mother wants a baby, leaving out a huge key person in the discussion. The father needs to be just as ready for parenthood as the mother.
There is a lot of things to be considered when figuring out timing for this miracle to occur. Some of us aren't so lucky as deciding when is right, and life just surprises us!
I don't think there is any magic time to have children. It's up to the mother and father to be to discuss what works better for their current lifestyle.
I would love to start having children young, but DH and I have discussed and evaluated and decided it will be better if we waited a few more years. Factors in our decision include financial (particularly because I absolutely want to be a stay at home mom), developing more emotional maturity, continuing to build our marriage, and just not knowing where we are going to be living a year from now.
People will tell you "you never are actually ready" or "if you wait for the right time it may never come/be too late." Don't let this scare you into making a decision you are not ready for. Children are a huge blessing, but a huge responsibility. Your life will never go back to the way it was before.
When do you think is the right time to have children? Let's continue the conversation at https://www.facebook.com/LovingNaturally
I personally have grew up with an older mom (she gave birth to me a few months before her 40th birthday). I really have enjoyed all the wisdom she has passed down to me that she has learned throughout the years. Also, the benefit of retirement coming soon is great, as she will have more time to come visit!
The biggest con I experience is, since she is getting older, she may not be around for me as long as she has been around for my older siblings. She also will not have as much energy to care for my children (when they arrive). I worry about my children not knowing her as well as my sibling's children, who cherish her.
I love my mom, I wouldn't trade her for the world.
But I do wonder what it would be like to have a younger mom, who has more energy and more involved with outside activities. Although a younger mom might still be trying to get her career started, savings built, and building the foundation for her relationship with her spouse.
Fertility is also something to think about when making the decision of when to have children. According to this article women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30, and are left with only 3% at age 40. That is definitely something to consider. It will be a lot harder to become a first time mom in your thirties, than in your twenties. (although there are a ton of fertility options for those choosing to be an older mom!) Pregnancy is also more likely to be low risk in your twenties.
In my opinion, it is a personal decision. Each individual situation needs to be looked at. Whether the family is settled down, financially at a point where they could afford another mouth to feed, insurance, and how stable the relationship is between the potential mother and father to be.
This article describes the benefits the author has experienced in being a young mom; including not getting to caught up in your career, so it is easier to commit to being a stay at home mom for a few years, having more energy to chase around a rambunctious toddler, and also being younger once they leave the house, so the parents have time to experience the world again before entering into their later years.
On the contrary, this article discusses the benefits of being an older mom, including maturity, more relaxed, more stability, and being able to offer your children the wisdom you have acquired throughout the years.
The father needs to have say in timing as well. A father who feels he is not quite ready to be a parent, but the mother has pressured him into it, is going to have more trouble adjusting to fatherhood. We talk so much about when the potential mother wants a baby, leaving out a huge key person in the discussion. The father needs to be just as ready for parenthood as the mother.
There is a lot of things to be considered when figuring out timing for this miracle to occur. Some of us aren't so lucky as deciding when is right, and life just surprises us!
I don't think there is any magic time to have children. It's up to the mother and father to be to discuss what works better for their current lifestyle.
I would love to start having children young, but DH and I have discussed and evaluated and decided it will be better if we waited a few more years. Factors in our decision include financial (particularly because I absolutely want to be a stay at home mom), developing more emotional maturity, continuing to build our marriage, and just not knowing where we are going to be living a year from now.
People will tell you "you never are actually ready" or "if you wait for the right time it may never come/be too late." Don't let this scare you into making a decision you are not ready for. Children are a huge blessing, but a huge responsibility. Your life will never go back to the way it was before.
When do you think is the right time to have children? Let's continue the conversation at https://www.facebook.com/LovingNaturally
Monday, October 15, 2012
Facebook Page!
Just wanted to share the new facebook page with everybody. :)
https://www.facebook.com/LovingNaturally?fref=ts
Go "like" it and join the conversation!
New blog post coming later this week! :)
https://www.facebook.com/LovingNaturally?fref=ts
Go "like" it and join the conversation!
New blog post coming later this week! :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Induce me doc!
I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, and the bartender was obviously super pregnant. I casually asked her how far along she was, she replied, "I'm due in 2 weeks, but I'm hoping to be induced on Tuesday." Being the curious person I am, I asked her why she was going to be induced. She simply replied she was sick of being pregnant and wanted her body back. I casually said "Good luck!" and walked away, hands shaking with all the information I wanted to give her.
As I walked away, I knew I was going to have to respond to this lady via my blog.
Most people do not even thoroughly know what is going on during an induction. What is an induction? It is artificially starting or speeding up labor. The most common used drug in induction is Pitocin, which is synthetic oxytocin.
I wanted to tell her the affects of the drugs she is putting in her body. Here is a excerpt of an article summarizing the difference between oxytocin and pitocin:
and another article:
"The following adverse reactions have been reported in the mother:
I wanted to tell her that because she didn't feel like being pregnant longer, not only is she putting her and her baby at risk for all the above, She is 2.6 times more likely to have a c-section. That's huge considering the c-section rate is up to 50% in some areas.
Not to mention that it is very unlikely for a women to be induced without an epidural because as the above article mentioned, pitocin does not cross the blood-brain barrier. Oxytocin is the same hormone released during orgasms, in childbirth it releases pain relieving endorphins, and give you the gumption to carry on. (Here is a great post from my favorite blogger talking about how to get through an induction without pain medications. It CAN be done.)
Epidurals and C-section's have so much risk involved that I need a whole 'nother blog on each topic!
here and here are articles on those risks if you are interested.
I understand that I have never been pregnant. I do not know what it is like to be so ready to be done. To feel like a huge giant whale. I know that we all want what is best for our babies.
Don't let the doctor scare you into an induction. Your body CAN deliver a big baby (one of the common reasons for an induction), here is an article of a momma delivering an 11 lb 12 oz baby at HOME! It was a Home Birth After Cesarean even! Your pregnancy can even last up to 44 weeks, Here is another story of a mom delivering a baby at 42 weeks, safely at home.
Our bodies know how to give birth. They know when the baby is ready. God in his amazing design created us that way. Let's not rush it. Know that God is in control of this.
I have no idea if she was induced that next week, quite frankly I hope her doctor said no, and maybe she is still pregnant. I just hope that whenever she does give birth, and however, that her and the baby are safe, healthy, and happy.
Any questions you have considering inductions, reasons for them, etc, please contact me or comment on the blog! Have a great day!
https://www.facebook.com/LovingNaturally?fref=ts
Visit the facebook page to join in on the conversation!
As I walked away, I knew I was going to have to respond to this lady via my blog.
Most people do not even thoroughly know what is going on during an induction. What is an induction? It is artificially starting or speeding up labor. The most common used drug in induction is Pitocin, which is synthetic oxytocin.
I wanted to tell her the affects of the drugs she is putting in her body. Here is a excerpt of an article summarizing the difference between oxytocin and pitocin:
"Synthetic oxytocin [AKA PITOCIN] administered in labor does not act like the body’s own oxytocin. First, syntocinon-inducedcontractions are different from natural contractions, and these differences can cause a reduced blood flow to the baby. For example, waves can occur almost on top of each other when too high a dose of synthetic oxytocin is given, and it also causes the resting tone of the uterus to increase (33).
Second, oxytocin, synthetic or not, cannot cross from the body to the brain through the blood-brain barrier. This means that syntocinon, introduced into the body by injection or drip, does not act as the hormone of love. However, it does provide the hormonal system with negative feedback—that is, oxytocin receptors in the laboring woman’s body detect high levels of oxytocin and signal the brain to reduce production. We know that women with syntocinon infusions are athigher risk of bleeding after the birth, because their own oxytocin production has been shut down. But we do not know the psychological effects of giving birth without the peak levels of oxytocin that nature prescribes for all mammalian species."
and another article:
"The following adverse reactions have been reported in the mother:
Anaphylactic reaction
Postpartum hemorrhage
Cardiac arrhythmia
Fatal afibrinogenemia
Hypertensive episodes
Nausea
Vomiting
Premature ventricular contractions
Pelvic hematoma
Subarachnoid hemorrhage
Hypertensive episodes
Rupture of the uterus
Postpartum hemorrhage
Cardiac arrhythmia
Fatal afibrinogenemia
Hypertensive episodes
Nausea
Vomiting
Premature ventricular contractions
Pelvic hematoma
Subarachnoid hemorrhage
Hypertensive episodes
Rupture of the uterus
Excessive dosage or hypersensitivity to the drug may result in uterine hypertonicity, spasm, tetanic contraction, or rupture of the uterus.
The possibility of increased blood loss and afibrinogenemia should be kept in mind when administering the drug.
Severe water intoxication with convulsions and coma has occurred, associated with a slow oxytocin infusion over a 24-hour period. Maternal death due to oxytocin-induced water intoxication has been reported.
The following adverse reactions have been reported in the fetus or neonate:
Due to induced uterine motility:
Bradycardia
Premature ventricular contractions and other arrhythmias
Permanent CNS or brain damage
Fetal death
Neonatal seizures have been reported with the use of Pitocin.
Premature ventricular contractions and other arrhythmias
Permanent CNS or brain damage
Fetal death
Neonatal seizures have been reported with the use of Pitocin.
Due to use of oxytocin in the mother:
Low Apgar scores at five minutes
Neonatal jaundice
Neonatal retinal hemorrhage”"
Neonatal jaundice
Neonatal retinal hemorrhage”"
I wanted to tell her that because she didn't feel like being pregnant longer, not only is she putting her and her baby at risk for all the above, She is 2.6 times more likely to have a c-section. That's huge considering the c-section rate is up to 50% in some areas.
Not to mention that it is very unlikely for a women to be induced without an epidural because as the above article mentioned, pitocin does not cross the blood-brain barrier. Oxytocin is the same hormone released during orgasms, in childbirth it releases pain relieving endorphins, and give you the gumption to carry on. (Here is a great post from my favorite blogger talking about how to get through an induction without pain medications. It CAN be done.)
Epidurals and C-section's have so much risk involved that I need a whole 'nother blog on each topic!
here and here are articles on those risks if you are interested.
I understand that I have never been pregnant. I do not know what it is like to be so ready to be done. To feel like a huge giant whale. I know that we all want what is best for our babies.
Don't let the doctor scare you into an induction. Your body CAN deliver a big baby (one of the common reasons for an induction), here is an article of a momma delivering an 11 lb 12 oz baby at HOME! It was a Home Birth After Cesarean even! Your pregnancy can even last up to 44 weeks, Here is another story of a mom delivering a baby at 42 weeks, safely at home.
Our bodies know how to give birth. They know when the baby is ready. God in his amazing design created us that way. Let's not rush it. Know that God is in control of this.
I have no idea if she was induced that next week, quite frankly I hope her doctor said no, and maybe she is still pregnant. I just hope that whenever she does give birth, and however, that her and the baby are safe, healthy, and happy.
Any questions you have considering inductions, reasons for them, etc, please contact me or comment on the blog! Have a great day!
https://www.facebook.com/LovingNaturally?fref=ts
Visit the facebook page to join in on the conversation!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Time Outs.
Lately, I have been really thinking about how "attached" parents discipline their child.
I knew about time outs, I thought they worked well, and is a great alternative for other harsher punishments. I use them all the time on my daycare children, it just how you "do" discipline these days. Positive reinforcement and time outs are what is preached to child care professionals, and I never questioned it, until now.
I came across this article: http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/timeouts and it made me really second guess what time outs are actually doing to our children.
To summarize the article, here are her top 5 reasons why time outs could be harmful:
1. Timeouts make children feel bad about themselves.
- Usually children are acting out when they already feel bad about themselves, why should we encourage this and continue the cycle? The child is not bad. The behavior just needs to change.
2. Kids need our help to learn to calm themselves.
- They are feeling emotions that are too big for them to handle, they need their parents help to show them how to respond to these really difficult feelings.
3. You're breaking the child's trust in you by triggering his fear of abandonment.
- By placing a child alone, you are teaching them if they are not "good", you will separate yourself from them.
4. Instead of reaffirming your child so she WANTS to please you, time outs create a power struggle.
- The child may think of ways to get back at you for putting them in timeout, it also could create more problems with lying, because they are afraid of the consequences. It creates a mom vs child, rather then being in sync.
5. Because you have to harden your heart to your child's distress during a time out, time out's erode your empathy for your child.
- Empathy is what builds a relationship, if it gets torn down, the relationship will not be as strong.
I really encourage you to read the article as she really breaks these things down.
I don't want my child to feel any of these things. I want them to be able to come to me with any emotions, and not feel as if I will send them away until they are feeling what I want them to feel. I think this sets the stage for how they will come to you as teenagers and adults. If you sent them away whenever they were having really strong emotions, why would they come to you with their big problems?
This also made me think about how we handle temper tantrums for toddlers. I am a nanny for 1 year old twins. They are starting to throw temper tantrums, and we are taught to simply ignore them, as they will not put energy into something that does not get attention. After reading this article, is this the right way to handle that?
Think about it, these toddlers are probably beginning to feel emotions that they have never felt before. By simply ignoring them, we are not helping them find ways to express this emotion, we are teaching them to suppress it. The exact opposite of what we want them to do when they are older.
It totally freaks me out that I have no clue how I should discipline my child. I know that spanking is out, so I just automatically thought time outs was the only other option..
I've been researching and looking into to positive discipline books, and love and logic. I never knew how much I did not know about disciplining a child until last night.
Parents, if you could help me along my journey, how do you discipline? How do you think it makes your child feel? How do you feel about it? How do you know it's working or not working?
No criticism here, we are all just learning and growing on this journey. Thanks for being apart of my learning experience!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Dive In.
I am obsessed about birthing, attachment parenting, and breastfeeding.
This started by randomly selecting to watch the business of being born on Netflix. (If you have yet to see it, it's a must!) God then continued to grow this desire by introducing me to other mothers who have birthed this way, a different way than what had been presented to me since I was born.
This fascinated me greatly, everything I had thought I had known about birthing, breastfeeding, and parenting was all wrong. I would constantly be researching, my mind being blown at the many lies the birth and parenting community throws at us. It's astonishing to me how much of this is related to making money. Our country is obsessed with making money, to the point where we outspend every other country, but face a greater risk of dying during childbirth than almost every other country, including the underdeveloped nations. I don't know about you, but this fact scares the crap out of me. How can no one see that obviously America is doing something very wrong in the birthing world, and other less educated countries are doing something right?
I have a passion that cannot be quenched over this. I have an overwhelming desire to share with the world the facts, and destroy all the lies that have been built up inside all of us. It's revolutionary.
Why is it such a big deal that I'm obsessed with all these things? I am not a parent. I am not expecting. I am not planning on having children for at least another couple years. But I look at the facts and the research, and am overwhelmed with just how much people do not know about birthing, breastfeeding, and raising children.
I want this blog to follow my journey of exploring the world of birthing, parenting, and breastfeeding before I have children.
We begin preparing for every other career years and sometimes even decades before entering the job market. But how many of us actually research what kind of birth we want to have, what kind of parent we want to be, and if we want to breastfeed or formula feed, until you have 9 months to prepare. This job is way too important to put off educating yourself until last minute. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable and exciting time to dive into this overwhelming, never ending research.
Dive in with me now.
This started by randomly selecting to watch the business of being born on Netflix. (If you have yet to see it, it's a must!) God then continued to grow this desire by introducing me to other mothers who have birthed this way, a different way than what had been presented to me since I was born.
This fascinated me greatly, everything I had thought I had known about birthing, breastfeeding, and parenting was all wrong. I would constantly be researching, my mind being blown at the many lies the birth and parenting community throws at us. It's astonishing to me how much of this is related to making money. Our country is obsessed with making money, to the point where we outspend every other country, but face a greater risk of dying during childbirth than almost every other country, including the underdeveloped nations. I don't know about you, but this fact scares the crap out of me. How can no one see that obviously America is doing something very wrong in the birthing world, and other less educated countries are doing something right?
I have a passion that cannot be quenched over this. I have an overwhelming desire to share with the world the facts, and destroy all the lies that have been built up inside all of us. It's revolutionary.
Why is it such a big deal that I'm obsessed with all these things? I am not a parent. I am not expecting. I am not planning on having children for at least another couple years. But I look at the facts and the research, and am overwhelmed with just how much people do not know about birthing, breastfeeding, and raising children.
I want this blog to follow my journey of exploring the world of birthing, parenting, and breastfeeding before I have children.
We begin preparing for every other career years and sometimes even decades before entering the job market. But how many of us actually research what kind of birth we want to have, what kind of parent we want to be, and if we want to breastfeed or formula feed, until you have 9 months to prepare. This job is way too important to put off educating yourself until last minute. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable and exciting time to dive into this overwhelming, never ending research.
Dive in with me now.
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